You’re a single girl dating and you have a general idea of the type of men you are meeting, but a new version has recently popped up. This new version knows the language. He tells you about moments where he was gaslit. He tells you how he had to call out a friend for being toxic. He tells you about the time he put into work on himself. You think GREAT! You’ve dated too many men who had the emotional intelligence of a rock. So, you take a deep breath because that part of the battle is already done. …


Every day I hear new stories about women being flexible with their boundaries and subsequently exploited. Typically, I won’t blame women because we have been trained since birth to remove or loosen our boundaries for this thing called love. Television and movies communicate daily, sacrifice every part of yourself for the prospect of love. Music makes us feel like suffering for love is worth it. Our family constantly asks us about our love lives. Our friends are partnered or longing and we are stuck wanting what they have or trying to find satisfaction in the now so you won’t be…


As heard on Ep. 23 of Charlie’s Toolbox Podcasts

Introduction

So, some updates…. I uploaded a new episode on my Patreon about what I learned about communication from my parents. Unfortunately, they weren’t the best communicators and life forced me to unlearn a lot of lessons. I love this platform because I can be as intimate as I want to be. I love that this community chooses me and that is really liberating.

Song of the Week

The song of the week that has moved me is by Congolese artist Franco & le T.P. OK Jazz. The song is…


find the latest

Stop Worrying! It’s just a date.

Welcome back to CTB.

This week we are going to discuss dating.

So, there was a tweet floating around on Twitter of a screenshot of a conversation. The conversation was between a woman and her prospect.

The guy sent a message asking if she was still interested in getting to know each other. She replies, “I don’t go out with people that ask me if I’m interested.”

Of course, Twitter bemoaned her. Of course, we were like ohhh brother. Folks told her she was doing too much. They were extremely annoyed by her, but…


Some parents are shit. They are insecure, abused, and desire power and they use their children as vessels for their unhealed trauma. Parents project they attack, and the result is a child whose inner voice is vile and putrid. Their unhealed pain leaves a mark on their children, and they walk around this earth empty, nervous, anxious, depressed, depersonalized, and rife with low self-worth. Eventually, those children become adults who see themselves as not good enough. They walk into rooms with their head held low, their voice indiscernible, and they don’t ask for nor reach out for anything. …


We’ve been hurt before, but as women, we are told it is our fault. So, we analyze every part of the relationship looking for the places where we went wrong. We go over the relationship. We search for the red flags and signs that we missed. We hyper-obsess over the details. Then, we commit to never fall for it again. We commit so much that we become too diligent in turning any minor issue into a huge red flag. He didn’t call me back immediately, red flag. He didn’t give me the compliment I wanted, red flag (I am guilty…


Over the past year, I’ve been enamored by people who exist without requiring anyone’s approval. I looked at Issa Rae who though self-proclaimed awkward levied her awkwardness into her TV show, acting career, and production company Hoorae. Jennifer Lewis who at 19 grabbed a woman assisting her in an audition and told her if you fuck this up I’ll kill you. Who at 22 debuted on Broadway and has sustained an acting career for four decades. Now, we know her on Blaskish as Ruby.

Janet Mock’s authenticity landed her at People magazine as a staff editor. She then moved from…


I watched part 3 of the Real Housewives of Potomac Reunion, I am late! I saw Gizelle on my screen again. I saw the physical weight of her anger on her face. Her disgust at Monique and her anger at herself consumed her. Unfortunately, that type of hate is dragging her down. You can see it on her body. At that moment, I felt sorry for her because I realized she would never see how great she is. She let comparison steal her joy. She looked over her shoulder her entire life in envy. …


If you know my work, you know that I condone anger and revenge. I know a lot of people are surprised by this, but I think there is a place for it, and the place for it is in the hands of the systematically oppressed. For the systematically oppressed, we are often told to choose love over retaliation. I, on the other hand, think that you use revenge and retaliation to clear the pathway for love. I don’t believe love can start from any point. I think there has to be a clearing and then love can thrive. I believe…


What equipment did your parents give you?

“I’ve never seen anyone die from being mad”-Iyanla Vanzant

“you can’t control your emotion,

but you can control your action.”

Hlovate

When your mother was a child, her parents were abusive. Like all children, she adopted a coping mechanism to shield her from abuse. When she was unsafe with her parents, she cut her emotions off because it helped protect her from pain. Eventually, she became an adult who continued these unhealthy coping mechanisms because she has not yet realized that she is in control of her life. She has not realized…

Charlie’s Toolbox

Think less about men and more about yourself! Charliestooolbox.com @charliestoolbox on Twitter and IG <<<Charlie’s Toolbox Podcast on Itunes and Spotify>>>

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