Decentering Men: Why you need to let go of men
You aren’t unable to let go of men, you are unwilling to let go of men. You are unwilling to let them go because having one means something to your identity. You are not full nor do you feel well unless you are being desired or partnered with a man. Now truly think about this statement. You do not feel like a full human being unless an adult male wants to fuck you or hang out with you. This is how much patriarchy has the world fucked up. You are so invested in men that your life collapses once a random person decides to not be around you.
You constantly fall into depression because you believe the lie of patriarchy, which is men are the sun and women are the inconsequential planets that circle around them. It tells women men are supposed to be placed on the pedestal and women should be on the ground looking up. It tells women that life is a movie and men are the main characters, while women are the extras and that is how you all operate. Think about it, this is your life and you are living in your body, but your world collapses when someone else is missing from it. What about you? Who are you? Didn’t you have a life before? Did you not have something that kept you feeling alive prior to meeting this man? Do you not have anything outside of who you are partnered with that makes you happy or proud?
When I see women wrapped up in the idea of men (because it can only be the idea of men as the statistics show that there are no real benefits being partnered with one) I know it is one of four things or at least a combo of them. Your parents, childhood, friends, or society. Your parents were the first human beings who modeled love for you. If you witnessed your mother sacrifice herself just to keep a man, there is a possibility you internalized that message. If you were abused during your childhood, you may cling to men as safety or they may provide the shot of joy you need to keep afloat. If your friends sacrificed themselves for love, they may have normalized the behavior and in turn, you think struggle and pain are what love is. Finally, society convinces us through their structures that men are always the center of the world, and in turn, we behave as such. Now I get that there are a lot of forces that shape the way you view men; however, you are an adult now and you know that this way of thinking in the long term only harms you.
So, now is the time to let go of men. When I say let go of men, I am not asking you to forgo romantic relationships, pleasure, or touch because those things are essential for the human experience. I am asking you to let go of the idea of men. I am asking you to imagine yourself as happy now. I am asking you to not think that men are the missing puzzle piece to your happiness because I assure you once you get your man you will STILL be sad. I want you to realize that your life is meaningful as it is now. I want you to realize your adventures are meaningful when you are solo. I want you to understand that the answer is within you. That your completion has to be found internally and not externally. That is what I mean by letting go of men. Men are NOT the missing puzzle piece to your joy and peace, YOU are.
Now for those who after all of this still say they can’t, there is no such thing as “I can’t”. You may be unwilling to, you may not want to give up the habits that keep you there, but there is nothing that you “can’t” do. When you say I can’t let go of men I hear, I can’t stop sabotaging myself because I love an imaginary person more than I love myself. The potential of someone who I have not met is better than me as I am now. Now truly think about what you are saying to the world through your actions and thought process, you are telling the world that you by yourself as you are now is the worst possible option and to me, that’s absolutely sad….
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