Pop your Pussy for Respect and a Check

You meet this cute guy that looks extremely good on paper. The only problem is he talks to you like you have no knowledge of anything and presses you for sex. You give in to sex because you want him so bad. He looks so good in the picture you’ve already painted in your mind. I mean you have absolutely no evidence of this, but hey he is fine and sex may put you ahead of the others. You leave the interaction feeling off and you don’t know why.

In reality, you pandered and used your body to bargain for commitment. You didn’t experience respect and base your decision to have sex on that. You didn’t discuss your sexual needs and more than likely you didn’t get pleasure out of the experience. According to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, almost 37 percent of American women required clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm and 18 percent of women stated they had orgasms from vaginal penetration. Essentially you are having a lot of sex, and you aren’t being satisfied.

So, why have sex if you are disadvantaged and disrespected? Would you enter into a friendship disrespected and disadvantaged? Would you like your work if you did not have respect? Do you even like interacting with your family without respect? So, why is respect optional when it comes to romance? More specifically, why is respect optional when it comes to sex?
People often blur and skew definitions of respect. They think attention is respect. They think a continuation of WYD & Good morning is respect. They think fake niceness is respect, but that is not respect. That is simply a repetition of actions that have proven to get the desired result, pussy.

So, how do you define respect and disrespect? Let’s start with respect. Respect can be measured two folds, how we relate to others and how we relate to ourselves. When we healthily relate to ourselves, we are left with high self-esteem or high self-worth. That looks like speaking up when your boundaries are being disrespected. That looks asking for your needs to be met and leaving if they are not. That looks like knowing your core values and deciding that if someone does not value you then fundamentally you will not work.

When we relate to ourselves in a negative and unhealthy way, the result is low self-esteem. You don’t speak up for yourself when you feel worthless. You don’t ask for your needs. You are afraid of scaring your prospect away by asking for what you need. Leaving reminds you of the secret you have in your head and heart that you are too hard to love or not loveable at all.

When developing your self-esteem, it is more beneficial to fake it until you make it, then to not have it at all. What I mean by that is acting like you have self-esteem will reap more benefits than taking what you can get. Sometimes your mind is not there yet. Sometimes you need to act like it, and your mind will follow. So, if you think about women in your life or even celebrities like Rihanna, or Tracee Ellis Ross how would they act if someone who disrespected them, offered nothing, and demanded sex? Would they take the bait? Would they be flattered by inconsistent communication? Then why would you? You are made of the exact same organic materials as Rihanna and Tracee Ellis Ross. They have DNA, a heart, and a brain and so do you. Your composition is the exact same, so decide today to be treated like a human being because that is essentially all you are asking.

Another way to navigate this when you aren’t quite there is to write down the list of guys you dated and it ended terribly. Now write down everything they did that rubbed you the wrong way. After dates review that list and note if they displayed that behavior. If they displayed that behavior and continue once you’ve notified them about it, walk away. You saw it on paper and it is not ambiguous. So, don’t convince yourself otherwise just because the guy is cute, rich, tall, or whatever other standards you use for sex. Remember, you MUST enter all sexual contracts with respect.

Finally, pull out your phone. Text or call the person you are having sex with and tell them you have an emergency and need $50.00 or that you need help moving. If they get hesitant, don’t want to, or change the conversation, block them. Even if they don’t have the money, are they trying to find a way, scramble, help you? Why have sex with someone who does not want to help you survive? And that is a criterion you should measure your partners. Do they respect me and do they want me to survive?

Think less about men and more about yourself! Charliestooolbox.com @charliestoolbox on Twitter and IG <<<Charlie’s Toolbox Podcast on Itunes and Spotify>>>