What You Need to Know About Ghosting
4 min readFeb 17, 2020
One day it’s complete silence, the person who you called, texted, or emailed daily is gone with no explanation. You need closure, so you reach out, no answer. You examine each moment and ask yourself what did I miss? The times he sighed at your jokes, your words, your nature…. Ghosting hurts. It really does. It is immature and causes you to doubt yourself. However, it is common and we have to lessen the impact of this action on you.
Things to understand about ghosting
- Men have always wasted time so that you can hate them enough to leave. Ghosting is only an evolution of their cowardice. It is the expedited version of what our grandparents went through. It is marrying you because you are there, having kids with you, and being cruel to you until you live so deep within yourself that your true joy never sees the light of day. Instead of going through all of that, you were ghosted and fortunately have been gifted an effortless release of a time-waster. In the words of Joan Holloway, “Men don’t take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate.” Do you want the expedited version of hate or the long-extended version of hate where others, like children, are involved?
- It feels wrong and you take ownership of the dissolution of the relationship because sexism told you to. What are the questions everyone asks women when their relationships end? “What happened?” “Did you do enough?” “Can it be saved?” and like all things men related, you turn the blame towards yourself. Instead, of understanding that an end is a natural part of life. Everything on this earth ends, why would you think your crush would fall outside of the natural law?
- Your insecurities can make this 100x worst. There’s nothing like wounding something that already hurts. There is nothing like feeling worthless and having someone confirm what you thought by calling you worthless. Ghosting can be that too many women, a confirmation of what you already feel to be true. Ask yourself….before I met him what did was true about myself? Sometimes, that person just highlights insecurity you’ve already had to wrestle with.
- Though it is minor, it is cruel. It is everything that patriarchy is. Patriarchy is meant to be cruel so that it can keep women in line. Ghosting is made to be cruel to keep women in line. It is to make sure you perform for the gaze of men because if you don’t you can be ignored unexpectedly in the future.
- It is now a part of dating. Men should be honest, yeah, they should be but they aren’t. They haven’t been honest, and are currently not honest.
- It is wrong. There’s no justification. It is wrong.
How To get over it
- Stop going over why. I know easier said than done, but it is needed. Think about it, what if you get you why will that make you still want to engage with someone who didn’t even bother to tell you it is over? Does it make sense to trust the opinion of someone who does not respect you? Does it make sense to have that person make a judgment call on who you are as a person? A person who has known you for a short time. A person who bothers not to explain why he’d like to end the relationship. So, what do you need from that why?
- Stop Harping. You take the facts and create a story about happily ever after. You don’t truly know this man; however, you have invested so much into the potential man that you take ghosting as if you were already in a long-term committed relationship.
- It is great that they ghosted you. You want someone who fans your fire, and if they inherently can’t see the value in you they will not evolve into a partner who will see your value in the future.
- You just weren’t on the same page. You may have clicked, but he did not feel the same feelings. It’s ok. There’s an unlimited amount of people, you will click again with someone and it will be reciprocated.
- Lastly, who cares? Of course, you care; however, when you date another crush you won’t care. You won’t care that you spent a couple of weeks with someone who you soon can’t remember.
